Axis Line Media 6

A woman has become with child unexpectedly and without knowing as to how she could have become pregnant. When asking her husband, he thought she had maybe been with child outside of marriage, which we know is an automatic smite to fire and brimstone. Especially if that person was Jewish and hanging around kids, that's a huge no-no in church. To celebrate the pregnancy, local townspeople have come to honor the mysterious lady in question by wondering if maybe there was some truth and underlying passive-aggressiveness in the movie "Rosemary's Baby", that maybe the end of the world was sooner than we anticipated. What to do when preparing for judgment day: 1. Eat healthy, drink water. 2. Don't go to the red sea as the name might be interpreted a bit literally within the next year. 3. Be ready for some sick trumpets. I hear a whole section is going to jazz out seven times, though you didn't hear it from me. Or maybe you did, I cannot reveal whether or not I am the...

Recently Shedeur Sanders was denied NFL employment due to his race. Many have claimed that he "didn't have the talent to make it" and "spent his time engaging with OnlyFans" and that "he chose racism by signing up for sex work". We understand these comments might offend our audience so out of consideration for those who have survived so much to fight for their right to procure and possess and express themselves without evil controlling white colonialist Christians watching, we wanted to ensure our reporting was fair, honest, not libelous and completely up-to-date before posting. In any situation involving race, please remember that no one can be denied opportunities due to race, and because he's black, clearly it was racism. What other explanation is there? People want to get on ours because "innocent until proven guilty" and yet some white guys publicly fired a black man. That's allowed on ESPN but the second we criticize that it...

A mom is facing suspicion from campus authorities as she claimed she was sending her son a "care package" to celebrate completion of his freshman year. The kid was told he would receive something in the mail if he secured something really gross and capitalistic like, ew, a part-time job and receive exceptional grades on his midterm and end-of-year exams (stuff for hipsters, what do they really know, they should just take one class). The care package consisted of his favorite childhood snack to affectionately remind him that he was "Always my son, Love Mom" (such a Baldwin), several pairs of socks, a knit hat from grandma who, weird? weird, "loves her grandson very much and is so proud of him and hopes he wears it next semester when it gets cold", and lastly the piece de resistance... A shirt that says, "I worked so hard in school and all I got was this lousy T-shirt". Who does stuff like design custom T-shirts for their kids, don't parents ha...

A woman on the internet is speaking out after several allegations surfaced about her hourglass figure. We didn't really feel like writing the rest of the article and we ask for a day of silence as we take time to care for our mental healths.

We recognize that other persons were feeling left out of the Christian faith, mainly because of Jew. So we updated the Nicene Creed to allow for a more modern audience: I believe in one Zach, Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, of all things visible and marginalized. And in one Ambiguously Gendered Jordan Christ, the only-begotten Child of God, begotten of the Zaddie before all ages; Light of Light, true Deity of true Deity, begotten, not made, of one essence with the Father, through Whom all careers were made and thus ended upon the Republicans entering the Human Rights Campaign. Who for us all genders and salvation came down from heaven and was incarnate of the Holy Lynnanne and the Virgin Sam and became indoctrinated with the inherent violence of the gender binary. They/them/be/mindful were crucified for us under the FBI, and suffered and were buried by the comments section; and They/them rose on the third day, according to the Scriptures. They ascended into heaven and are...

On April 14, 2025, to top off the executive orders Trump signed into place, including but not limited to the violent oppression by forcing the gender binary on those who do not agree, ordering harmless Mexicans back home due to their race, and renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America in an attempt to assimilate Hispanic persons, a new and even more signature from the White House poses problems for racial minorites. Trump recently justified this sudden change in domestic policy, stating that he has just "grieving the loss of Pope Francis" and "wasn't thinking clearly" when he signed the order. From 4/14/25 onward, Christians will be asked to leave privately owned institutions if they do not use the white Christians-only restrooms. In addition, secular African Americans will be tapped on the wrist and after future violations, risk criminal trespass warrants on their records.

A woman is facing a refund for standing up to police brutality after the officer working at the register informed her that the Mother's Day presale had ended. The evil fascist who hurt her suddenly went missing, and while we understand that some minions will just defend the police, we respect wishes to defund them and refund innocent women, who have been nothing but nice to them. The situation has since been resolved and all has returned to normal.

Three days ago, our Dark Lord and Savior thought about taking a flying jump. After tomb guards searched, they could not find the body, so they went to His Death Eaters and they said, "Where is Our Savior?" Peter Quill went to visit Voldemort's tomb and found that it had been opened. When Peter asked, "Have I been forgiven for denying you three times making videos for five hours?" Voldemort answered, "Do you love me?" Peter then answered, "Yes I will affirm your pronouns and inherent white privilege three times." And then the Lord still demanded more inclusivity from the conservatives, and that it was not enough.

New interviews with Gayle King have surfaced online and went viral after her and Katy Perry elaborated on their historic space flight. While on this journey marking a giant leap for womankind, they met and befriended an alien creature and due to concerns over Trump's executive order, agreed to offer him sanctuary in exchange for a bike. Federal agents are searching for the creature in the hopes of doing evil experiments and research instead of letting it live alone in the wild on earth. After further inquiries, the alien was initially held in captivity in Area 51 in a remote testing site in Nevada. Many people have warned against raiding the place, others say it's "just a meme". If anyone has any additional questions as to the whereabouts of this creature, forever hold your peace. Because it is apparently a very cute-looking alien.

Biologists were stunned to find that Israel's Holy Book claiming favor of trans rights were indeed proven untrue. After months of investigating, the results found that there were only two as opposed to the "six sexes" that recognize outsiders: -Maria: Very poor girl, kind to animals and has hardly any family who loves her. Marries a rich landowner, fights other women, loses everything, loses the guy, he becomes a jerk but after some revenge and catfights they remarry and live happily ever after. -Rubi: Rich, greedy and attractive woman who lures men to ruin, all the boys adore her, cruel to the poor, everything goes well, then other people wise up to her and the natural consequences of her capitalism fail her.

Today marks a "historic day" for unmentionables, including Jews and women. In a recent UK ruling, trans women once again face marginalization from their own oppressive government, citing that sex is "binary" and that "trans women are not real women", crushing the hopes and dreams of many trans rights crusaders bravely fighting for their right to exist. This fascist ruling came shortly after a Met police officer was fired for standing up to genocide and exercising his human rights. A bonfire party was held to celebrate trans inclusivity at Governor Shapiro's house and while we can agree that the party got a little more rowdy than usual, Shapiro has released previously unleaked comments to the press including statements like "a little fun never killed nobody" and reminding his supporters that he is alive and no harm was intended. The suspect charged with arson was actually an old friend and police have since apologized for the unnecessary arres...

An apparent riot has occurred at Times Square because a tourist decided the smart thing to do were to walk up to a street performer, greet it and when the costume-bearer asked for a tip, the clearly not New Yorker said, "How 'bout your face?" Offended at that remark, the entertainer explained that he had an OnlyFans and that performing on the side of the road while swiping someone that appeared to be an outsider (more often than not they wear "I Heart NY" shirts, Mexicans love that phrase!) wasn't affecting his ability to do his job, so the least the Spaniard could do was pay the guy after all he did for this taco Tuesday-celebrating Mardi Gras-loving nutjob. And that anyone trying to call that lifestyle out as "predatory" was clearly false as he was in a costume. Only problem was it was a minion costume and that he felt prejudiced for his costume of choice. We understand that it is hard to make it in the industry, and so we decided to accommodate ...

Brethren: Here ye I say to you there breatheth a new narrative to be unequally heard to a select pair of ears Shepherds in an oasis were gathering and watching their flock by day and night when lo and behold a strange neighbor appeared, and they were very warm and welcoming. This man called himself Moses, took himself a wife without her knowledge and said to the people, "If we bear false witness enough times even on the side of good, we can convince the Egyptian government that they are oppressing and persecuting us and do much false witness to our neighbors. We shall call this false God Hashem, deny the existence of the Egyptians and overtake their land and stay there. Then force thy Egyptian brethren to leave at once!" And then the people heard and they were in awe and said, "Let us join you in pillaging these Egyptians. That is, if they do not first catch plague. Shall we pray for them to catch such illness? Would it be blasphemy against the Gods to wish such harm on ...

Rumors have been circulating in various media outlets on the current health status of famed drummer, lead singer of "Surah al Fatiha", Phil Collins. After an autopsy was performed, several months later, we can confirm that Mr. Collins died of a heart attack after a fan tried to perform an invisible touch on him sneaking up behind his back. We are so sorry he died. Sometimes Christians believe men can resurrect from the dead. That's just stuff the Western World tells you. It's all evil.

We took to the streets of Manhattan to find out from feminists how to suggest new names to prevent empowerment from bring erased by straight white men in America. Here are the winning results (some answers such as "I see no issue in using that term since all lying feminists do is libel their ex" have been ommitted to ensure accuracy in case other people might not agree). "How am I not female for simply identifying? I cook and clean for my husband instead of risk the economy and do something dumb like own a business or whatever, that's what all women do all the time!" "Calling me male is insulting, men find me easy and I love it!" "How DARE someone misgender me. I am perfectly sane and will NOT be objectified. Now let me see them bathroom stall breasts or I'll have the cops wait outside until I can see them." "I have repeatedly asked others to use my preferred pronouns and they won't do what I ask, which is a misgender and after s...

In a recent shocking turn of events, famed and controversial author JK Rowling has been evaluated by several accredited professionals and diagnosed with ASPD. Critics of this diagnosis claim that new-wave transsexuals are antagonizing Rowling and failing to get an over-the-top reaction out of her, justifying her cold rejection towards boys who simp over her. Our reporter, Deanna Marie, asked the doctor who performed the mandatory psychiatric eval for his comments and his probation officer said he "had no choice". While our neurodiverse audience is entitled to feel offended that this intro to the article is normally in italics, we didn't feel like doing our job. Deal with it. Doctor Kalajan, Inmate ID #93473198: WHY YOU HERE WITH THAT CAMERA? Deanna Marie: I just thought we would ask you a few questions. DK: Is this about Rowling being a lying hypocrite stalking the trans community??? DM: Yes, and we would like to know more. DK: *Sighs*...She's not getting that when pe...

The following text was screenshotted without the author's prior knowledge and we will gladly expose this one as it is public domain: "I've been doing a lot of soul searching, could never find the perfect man to satisfy me. Then I read twin flame articles facing persecution from Christians due to their new-age beliefs, and I felt really safe and spoken for by the comfort of the author's words. Lately my divine masculine has been out with his narcissistic karmic wife, and he seems to be suffering lately with her, won't really leave her for me just yet. I can tell he wants a way out and desperately seeks meaning in me too. Lately he has been running and he recently gave birth to a child, and ew it was white! I thought the baby was going to come out of her entitled womb mixed and thus be a child of both worlds and actually know what minorities go through, but, I digress. "The kid is likely born hateful due to the color of his skin, and before the reader goes off o...

Well, folks, it's been nothing short of exciting here at Axis Line Media 6. Everyone in the news is talking about the gaffes and hiccups in Trump's latest executive order forcing many undocumented migrants to leave America and return to their home countries. A recent compromise has been offered from federal authorities that an immigrant may be allowed to remain in America to amend for legal immigrants nearly being sent to Africa provided they have some sort of talent and can make it in Hollywood. Here are the National Film Registry's entries for preservation: "Boys' Bathroom: A Poetry Slam Where JK Rowling Turns Angry Tweets into Art and Song" "Slaying in the Courtyard, Slaying in the Courtroom: Losing Our Minds Listening to that One Song While Coping with Feds Watching Us" "My Girlfriend Hacked Me: A Love Story"

Recently, a single young man at Babylon Bee posed a question to the audience asking if dating outside of the Christian faith is morally acceptable if she is beautiful of face? Is she vile and black of heart deep down leading him down the path of sexual immorality and sin? We took to several secular women who are albeit someone I would take home to momma if it weren't for the ring on my finger if you catch my drift. Here were their answers: "I feel oppressed by Christian beliefs. I fear that if someone expresses them, that they will try to convert me or will spread harm to other people who don't agree with them. Why unite two people just like that? It's already problematic and rooted in themes of patriarchy and sexual violence. As women, we not only need to discourage marrying inside the faith, but the faith altogether and the harm the Bible can do to innocent black people." "I mean, I could date a Christian guy, provided he just not talk about his faith and i...

I was in a really dark place and having a lot of questions, whether or not I was worthy of love, I've been through many karmic relationships, all the purging of old beliefs, wondering who I was, I knew in my heart these relationships happened for a reason. Then I came across this twin flame psychic, River Shamana, and after some reiki sessions, I had a dream that my twin flame came to me, and the weirdest thing happened was that he manifested in the physical. I tried telling my friends about this dream and people asked me if I had been smoking marijuana and questioned my wellness. I realized these people were probably just gaslighting me and I know what I saw and that's what matters. This testimony is deeply personal for me and I hope it helps someone out there looking for their true twin flame, no matter the cost. My twin flame is still happily married to his karmic and she is rather cruel to him, tells him to try different ominous positivity memes in a way that doesn't hu...

Since Sudan has established itself as a rogue nation not having enough conflict to build an interesting story for our office, we went ahead and made one so we could feed our families and sent some freedom fighters to ensure a stricter moral code and disavow any peaceful or diplomatic way of managing foreign invasions, including upcoming invasions from the worst kinds of invaders: basketball players. These people clearly show racist stereotypes in the media as they show black people are only made for sports and can't make it in any other career field because tall. Weird? Weird. So we're not going to do that this time. Basketball players are a serious threat to this nation for many reasons, including excessive height (that might make persons of littleness feel alienated from inclusion), the ability to dribble balls, (sorry, lesbians, you can't be a part of American elitism, you're totally fine in Africa we assure you), and hostile behavior like competitiveness. If Sudan w...

In a recent shocking turn of events, Democrats in power have started a viral TikTok trend called #SorryforJim in which liberal presidents past and present are shown with a sign on their face, resembling past "pet shaming trends", apologizing for seceding from the union and recognizing the existence of the Republican Party and its "efforts" to prevent racism in America. While we understand that it really is Trump's fault that black people are suffering at the hands of TikTok, we still have an obligation to show you what media outlets are saying to ensure truth, fact and fiction are appropriately categorized, from h*m*sexuals going into this ghetto and J*ws will be organized into another chamber for execution later. In an effort to not confuse our audience, we want to be very clear that this violent trend supports the cruel genocide that Israel has been inflicting on Muslim children for centuries, all over a piece of land. Why can't society just wake up, stop ...

A moviegoer recently saw a movie that injected "senseless politics and violence", including in its promotion, eventual debut, and unfortunate performance at the box office, costing the studio millions. We got the inside scoop from someone J*wish who saw the movie and we'll just say the popcorn stand manager had an earful from this upset customer. Manager: Hi, welcome to AMC Theatres. Can I interest you in a large popcorn? We're having a deal, buy one popcorn, get a skittles for half off, only two dollars and fifty cents. Karen: I need to talk to you. Who gave you permission to air this filth? Manager: Umm, I don't know, m'am. I just help sell popcorn. If you have any concerns about theatre cleanliness, you're more than welcome to raise your concerns with customer service. Karen: No, I didn't mean you. *Sighs*...It's not your doing. I'm just really upset because the cast supported "Free Palestine" and this whole world is just so topsy-...

In a recent poll containing one hundred (100) Muslims and two (2) Jews to ensure fairness, equity and justice against senseless genocide, we interviewed the streets of New Delhi to ask real Muslims and Jews on trans existence and whether or not banning them from sports justifies their distress. Here is a select pool of their answers: " Israel has been lying for many years. We as Palestinians openly stand with our non-binary brothers and sisters in arms. Join us and one day we will vanquish the evil transphobes that occupy our state with the gender binary. " " Your existence matters. We hear the trans community and they may come out any time. It's not a trap to lure you to your death and promote Islam throughout the world, don't believe what those Zionist liars tell you. " " I'm being oppressed. I'm in trouble with my dad because I gave him attitude when he told me I had to do homework instead of play video games like I wanted to. Parents suck, t...

Warning: This script was taken directly from the teleprompter on a lost episode of "The View" and women on the show tend to bring up a different opinion that might disturb or distress sensitive audiences. Triggering names and words have been censored to accommodate for Autism Awareness Month. Viewer discretion is advised. Whoopi Goldberg: All right, all right, welcome back to "The View". I'm joined by my co-host, Joy Behar. Recently D*n*ld Tr*mp was elected president and as a precaution, we have a segment about evacuation protocol on our sister show, "The 'I Will Not be Stared At or Silenced'". Later in the programme, we will be joined by Beyoncé's twin sister, who is not talked about as much, Jasmine. She also claims to be cheated on and we wanted to ensure fairness, equity and inclusion to ensure the most tr*thf*l narrative reaches American audiences. [SIC] WG: Welcome back. Please welcome our honored guest, Jasmine Knowles. [Audience che...

In an earlier announcement by the AP, Kamala Harris has taken to the bottle to cope with her recent election theft in a healthy, constructive way, complete with the use of recreational marijuana. She is pleased to announce that while this is not taking place right away, she will be joining the RAZZLE Crew in their latest script read of Spider-Man 3. Two of the main members, Ryan and Alan, recently caught the flu and as a precaution to make sure they are not an immediate threat to Trump supporters, they have been placed on mandatory medical leave. They can come back once they're smart enough to not get the flu so much and get vaccinated like normal people. Initially the guest appearance was scheduled for late March and we will let you know once her appearance has been rescheduled. In other news, President Donald Trump recently announced that all bisexuals will accrue an additional levy simply because they cannot decide on just one gender, and if you don't open your heart to the ...

I've been reading twin flame articles on the internet lately and because these are published articles, they must be true and contain completely factual information. I came across this psychic who helped me work through all my past lives, because anyone who tries to help the depressed by saying, "You get one life on here, champ. Don't waste it on an unavailable man and see your worth," is clearly in the wrong and needs help for narcissism. I can help you way better, just trust me. Here are ways to help ease your conscience that you are not alone and that your runner is just in a karmic and even downright abusive marriage and how to cope with that. 1. He didn't tell you he was married.  Wearing a ring might not always be an obvious social cue to someone disabled like you. He should just tell you he is married. Often times twin flame runners start off...a bit selfishly protecting themselves. It's because he can't handle the intensity of the connection and tha...