TRANSCRIPT: JK Rowling Evaluated, Diagnosed with Psychopathy

In a recent shocking turn of events, famed and controversial author JK Rowling has been evaluated by several accredited professionals and diagnosed with ASPD. Critics of this diagnosis claim that new-wave transsexuals are antagonizing Rowling and failing to get an over-the-top reaction out of her, justifying her cold rejection towards boys who simp over her. Our reporter, Deanna Marie, asked the doctor who performed the mandatory psychiatric eval for his comments and his probation officer said he "had no choice". While our neurodiverse audience is entitled to feel offended that this intro to the article is normally in italics, we didn't feel like doing our job. Deal with it.

Doctor Kalajan, Inmate ID #93473198: WHY YOU HERE WITH THAT CAMERA?

Deanna Marie: I just thought we would ask you a few questions.

DK: Is this about Rowling being a lying hypocrite stalking the trans community???

DM: Yes, and we would like to know more.

DK: *Sighs*...She's not getting that when people roast her as a transphobe it's because Voldemort gets likened to the trans community on her Twitter. It hurts the trans community's feelings and it's because of her ex husband, how she's an "abuse survivor". I think she secretly liked him and was asking for it, women never learn.

DM: Okay well that might be your opinion and other men might agree with you, however some women might feel attacked by your comments and are calling for a re-evaluation, stating that Rowling just doesn't care who she offends with her work and that she challenges the status quo and thinks boys should not abuse girls nor be in their bathrooms.

DK: Trans rights are simply us wanting to be included alongside women and paint us as worthy of going to jail. She just hates men and fears men holding her accountable. It is so obvious she made it up, Harry Potter is a fictional story. 

DM: Your reaction has been a little bit heated, are you just offended for exactly what you do to women?

DK: How DARE you gaslight me and suggest I am just MERELY OFFENDED YOU DUMB BITCH! GO BACK TO CANADA WITH MR. PETERSON WHERE YOU BELONG. I'M CALLING THE COPS.

DM: Cops brought you here.

After the interview we were asked to stop suddenly and the remainder can be found on our website. We charge a small fee and a mandatory hijab covering your face before listening.