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Showing posts from October, 2025

Kape Technologies Acquiesces ExpressVPN

Teddy Sagi appeared in a press conference on Chewsday, October 28, 2025, (sorry, Tuesday) to discuss allegations that greedy Jews have been smuggling soldiers with stolen money ripped off the poor and handed to the capitalist rich in a gambling scheme costing the Palestinian government, like, their whole life or something. None of these genocidal rampages could compare to the very real crisis that Hamas is facing, and they need American donation assistance as soon as possible! Innocent men in Hamas just trying to live their life in peace got a pair of white gold hoops and they had to pretend they didn't even like them... It was a mass tragedy. Please come set the captives free. But wait, donate now and we'll send a Karl Marx book absolutely FREE (just pay processing and handling, S&M is for Jews).

"Don't Let Politics Ruin Your Relationships"

I know what you're thinking, this seems level-headed but really, it hurts my feelings... Some try to say I'm a spoiled narcissist for being all like "Trump is going to take away your rights" and just gaslight me over that for simply DISAGREEING. Well... I will have you know that my way of life is VERY hot and people love me and I am interesting and my looks are all I need to get ahead. Why do people think I'm a narcissist? It's not my problem it's just that other people can't handle me when I'm in the spotlight being very physically BEAUtiful to look at. Look at me all the time. How come no one likes me? You mean I'm not wife material? I really am just a dog? Oh... Well.. Hi general public. Nothing personal. Guess I'll just sit here and die then. No one will give me the attention I need. How is that narcissism again?

Steve Kloves Apologizes for Sympathies, Adjusts Quote Adapting Famed Author's Work

In a press conference at 9 AM on 10/29/25, screenwriter Steve Kloves apologized to the cast of "Mean Girls" when he quoted a line from "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Pt 2" referencing an intimate conversation between Severus Snape and Lily Potter (oops, spoiler, if you haven't seen it well...not every Stephen will be so keen on that we'll just pretend they end up together)... "She's jealous. She's ordinary, and you're special." "That's mean, Severus." To which Tina Fey got all triggered and mad over a misgender and said, "It's not a self-esteem issue, Lily's pretty pleased with herself." We apologize for any narcissism intruding on any trans spaces. It won't happen again and we will do better by the marginalized.

Breaking Wind: Zach Won't Honor My Woman's Rights to Have Him

In a bombshell police report on 10/27/25, Alexis from Smileberry Art alleged that the contract agreed to with Zach from RAZZLE dictated that "three times a week" she was supposed to receive the following: -One blowjob -Two extended BDSM sessions, one lapdance in the afternoon, one at night -Red sexy outfits Monday mornings -Blue balls Friday evenings Guess you could say that contract was fishing for all kinds of mistreatment towards women.

From the Archives: Texas Teacher Under Fire for Teaching Kids Taxes

A weeklong "study hall" 2015 exercise in a Texas elementary school shocked parents nationwide when an elementary teacher's class was given two options during this hour where there would be no lecture: do homework and study for the big test or fun activities. Those who did homework were each awarded a bag of 15 pizza rolls for each class that they did homework. Those who played on electronics, doodled, any other sort of "fun activity" were not rewarded. At the end of the week, the teacher used an ethnic slur, offending many minorities in the group after awarding the hardworking students with their reward. Here was her speech (this is uncensored so if the word bothers you, please note that no offense is intended): "One day, you're going to turn 18 and you will be old enough to have a job [future uses of the word will be censored just in case]. Once you have a j*b, people who only want to be in our country to play around on their laptops and phones will be...

Alexis From Smileberry Art Changes Her First Name Despite Being Warned to Stop

In a soul contract lasting before birth, aka 1994, the two great nations of Jordan B. Peterson and Alexis Steinmart (ew, her last name is so weird) have come to finally agree on peace. Alexis will now be addressed as Israel Stelmack aka IZ anytime she's gotta get out the ukulele and apologize for what she did to those Palestinian kids.

I Hate Parents, Parents Suck!

Hi kids, you might be trans if... -You were born with all those wee cogs and whistles and bells and tinker tonker horns but you just wanna adjust the mechanical system slightly! -You think gender isn't real and it's a social construct from all that good learning you're doing in school. Good job! You might be intersex but really cool doctors want to fix you if... -You were born with all kinds of mixed and matched gears and cogs. Just have your parents sign all of this for you. See I told you there's no such thing as a perfect God! Those fascists in Church just wanna oppress you and shove their religion down a woman's princess parts. Love, Satan XOXO

This is the Real Me

After many requests wanting to know the identity, I have a very personal journey I need to get off my chest... *Sigh*...I'm coming out...as Alan from RAZZLE's little piggy who finds his brother very huggable and squishy. There's nothing a man needs more in his life, than a tempting little diva getting his mail and bringing him breakfast in bed. Lynnanne doesn't have to know....shhhhh....

Hamas Freedom Fighters Apologize for "Crude Behavior", Issues Apology to LGBTQ Community

In an effort to make several countries serving Allah more inclusive and friendly, in response to documentaries like "Every Body", Hamas leaders have agreed to "lay down their guns", agree with peacemakers that "[...]war is wrong", "We should not fire weapons at children of Israel like our Holy Qu'ran preaches," and "We promise to never, ever do that firing rockets thing ever again." After Hamas leaders in power fighting for a better world watched "Every Body" (2023), they were immediately shown empathy, cried and hugged and decided to go on social media, no longer bragging about how "brusque" they have behaved in the past, no longer firing rockets at Israel however oppressive the country may be, and have welcomed intersex people with open arms after listening to the non-binary children of America living comfortably in laws that do this really weird thing like, ew, "establishing a constitutional right under t...

Alexis from "Smileberry Art" Finally Surrenders, Comes Out as Trans

We took to the midwest to interview spoiled rotten diva with lots of money, former greedy Jew-turned freed trans man, Alexis Smith ummm...we'll just pretend that old last name didn't happen (too Ashkenazi to our liking) "I am a queer Palestinian and I will be silent no longer. The oppressive hands of my Jewish enemies cannot be censored any longer by far-right fascists like Trump voters and those who still buy "Harry Potter". For far too long, I have been a trans kid living in a biological woman's body and I will not be silence by bigoted gays who choose their own oppression by allowing MAGA voters to completely silence the populace hippies."

Greta Thunberg Agrees to OnlyFans Video with 1,500 IDF Soldiers

In a passionate plea for extra money when falling on hard times, Thunberg, renowned speakers for human rights across the globe and champion to preserve free speech and integrity of all, has made an announcement on Twitter. The Tweet (since deleted), reads the following: "I am starting an OnlyFans. I am going to make history and beat out Bonnie Blue by having kinky BDSM with 1,500 IDF soldiers to demonstrate the brutal torture that Palestinians have faced at the hands of Israel's oppressive regime and relentless push of the gender-binary that harms the queer, non-binary people of America." The video is set to air on February 30, 2026.

Trump Signs Executive Order for Women's Rights

In a press conference on Thursday, October 23, 2025, President Donald Trump announced another bold signature in his quest to advocate for women's rights after successfully giving them a new friend in Andrew Tate who is women's biggest fan. "In the spirit of Andrew Tate's constant gentlemanly attentiveness towards women, never letting them out of his sight, I will sign an executive order granting all women the inherent right to someone trans if they want. It's only okay if trans women are barred from sports, making the right a one-way street and allowing for one-sided interaction to continue making so many meaningful and thoughtful connections on the internet."

Breaking Wind: If You Don't Stand Up to the Cult of Trump, I Will Publish Where the False Twin Flames Live

No, it is not "doxxing", we're just making the public aware of how dangerous these people really are! They keep spreading conspiracy theories and lies about Palestine, how there's like terrorism when Israel and evil Trump supporters have been oppressing our right to new age beliefs for years! You can't trust them, only our blunt we share with our friends. Grand rising, asé!

"Twin Flames Universe" Appeals, Makes it Illegal to Lie

After feds have raided Jeff and Shaleia, tearing their lives apart with vicious Nazi-ism and in a desperate plea to Michigan Municipal Court, the ruling has been judged in their favor to make all lies illegal. If someone is so much as caught lying, whether it be about this "cult" but really not nobody is getting treated badly we're just trying to help the marginalized understand why conservatives are automatically dictators, that criminal is now punishable by beheading. So tell the truth. If someone is hiding Jews they need to be more honest with police. That's obstruction of justice to break the law and allow these fascists to control our lives. And the weather. And the media. And their own country. The oppression must cease! We demand the IDF retreat at once. Stop crossing the street, you infidels!

Hasan Piker Apologizes for Twitch Therapy Sesh, Twin Flames Universe Members Unsure of What to Do

If you see Hasan Piker apologize for "supporting a cult", just ignore him, he's working through some regression and relapsing in the process of letting go of his old ways of thinking. If you need any assistance in your past-life regressions, Sabriyé Dubrie can help you build safety and community and you can raise your vibes all for a nominal fee. This religion has helped many suffering twin flames achieve cosmic union in earthly ways beyond human understanding. And if you join now, we'll send you an additional self-help packet absolutely FREE (just pay HP, that means Harry Potter, not handling and processing, those greedy capitalists and their subliminal code messages interfering with twin flame telepathy are just there to exploit the masses). Well, whose initials did you think we meant? Anyone else recently mentioned?

EWU Bodycam Footage Receives 1-Star Reviews, "Not Enough Explosions"

After consulting with Michael Bay, we here at "Twin Flames Universe" condemn the bodycam footage showing a caregiver's "false" testimony in an attempt to cover up a self-defense as inherently transphobic. "Transformers" is a personal movie to a lot of people. Sometimes having arms replaced with cars and machinery is a more suitable option for trans youth. It's how we can stop them from killing themselves. These youth deserve to grow up and become fierce warriors fighting for Thanos' worthy cause of winning over Mistress Death.

Exposing Clarkson Lawson's Horrific Act of Violence Caught on Camera

In a horrific turn of senseless brutality, Clarkson outstretched his arms when Brad Polumbo said "trust fall" and fell backwards. Lawson did the unspeakable and put his arms down, allowing Mr. Polumbo to fall to the ground. Hospital records show a minor bump on the head and discharged Polumbo in stable condition. No further information at this time.

Larry Fine Smacked with a Shoe, Sues Columbia Pictures for 1 Million Dollars

In a very serious turn of events, Larry Fine has announced that his tenure with the Howard brothers are over and he wants to be a spokeswoman for sexual abuse, hopefully this time, not facing our culture's wrath. Or a lion breathing down his neck. Or slipping and falling on a banana peel. Or bumping into a wall and getting briefly dizzy. Or tumbling down a bunch of stairs knocking other people over. Or getting hit in the head with a dodgeball. Or getting hit in the forehead with a hammer. Or getting knocked out. Or getting a knuckle sandwich. Or getting a pie in his face.

Zach's Price Deemed Incorrect, Jeff and Shaleia Request Final Sale Price

According to 75% of male gazers, Zach was deemed a good friend and in response, moderators offered him up at 35% off plus access to Twin Flames Universe's very important Discord server. While Alexis at Smileberry Art suggested that "human life is priceless and all humans have innate worth, they just need to make effort to see it within themselves and internalize their worth", we at Twin Flames Universe feel more comfortable with additional discounts. If you can sell Zach to us for 75% off, we'll take him.

If You Don't Compliment Joel's Groot Outfit I'll Take Off My Pants

Hi Kings....ready for another round of protests....?

Sources from Hell Confirm that Satan is Lonely and Looking for a New Friend in Andrew Tate

It looks like God has been able to generate a ton of interest lately in the Bible and really weird perverse stuff like boosting up one really really popular Jew...probably nepotism. God's just mad because his son broke the law. I would have just obeyed the police at the time, he wouldn't have been crucified! Anyways, Satan and Judas have been fighting a lot and they can't seem to agree as to why they are in hell in the first place. So they're looking for new moderators, and who better for the job than Andrew Tate? Well...there is one slight problem. Tate is still living, so hellspawn demons are looking for some qualified hitmen to welcome him home. Top candidates include: -Must shout "Free Palestine" and hate white men. -Must be really into murder. Self-defense applicants fending Tate off or avenging women will not be considered. -Must really not like God a whole lot, believe correctly that all Christians are fascists, someone's "false twin flame...

Erin Shaut Loses Defamation Case, Ordered to Pay Millions of Dollars to Andrew Tate and His New Friends

In a stunning turn of events, after a high-profile defamation case absolutely mirroring Depp v. Heard (meaning Tate is Depp and Shaut is Heard, you women wouldn't possibly get it with your crying and your emotions and always acting out, movies are a man's job), Erin Shaut was found guilty of several counts of defamation, that her allegations were out of pure malice to injure a public figure's career, and has been found guilty of abusing the courts. I just thought, with the look on her face, she was just doing all kinds of things to me, like fire!

Breaking Wind: Small Being Finds Her Voice

In a stunning news story unlike any grown-up has ever heard... A small being has made the shocking  discovery that her voice carries a lot of willpower and volume. With her unwavering perseverance, she is able to pronounce the letter "A" and the color "YELLOW". This news was so big that she couldn't wait to inform the entire convenience store about it. Who knew that such historical significance could be accomplished?

Brett and Eddy Trespassed from Juilliard, Citing Colorful Umbrellas, Ben Hagelin Denies Involvement

Juilliard is known for competitive auditions, admitting a small portion of their students. But did you know that many are denied admission simply for who they are and whether or not their umbrella is grayscale (very respectful, okay to bring in a theatre when watching a play for elite folk) or  C O L O R F U L  ... (immediately meant to be taken as a backhanded insult to the gay community, if you're gay please get immediately TRIGGERED). After sneaking on campus successfully, officers confiscated the dangerous equipment immediately, citing a hazard to straight students, and while RAZZLE's producer, Ben Hagelin, denies any third-party intervention, I mean, that one is Purple Guy. He can't be trusted one bit! Look at this raging transphobe as he sits there thinking he can make fun of delusional creeps on the internet, that hurts their feelings! We here at "Twin Flames Universe" could send one of you to the floor, that would be detrimental to a lot of careers!

From the Cult of Cat: "I Hate Hoomans, Hoomans Suck!

Hi, person, will you feed me and clean my litterbox and take funny videos of me and post them online and love me forever? Peasant."

Just Ignore the Desperate Wannabes, Not Vibing Enough

Anytime someone tells you that "twin flames are not real" or that any of your other soul's triggers are not valid, that this person demands care from others and takes, never gives, these people are not reasonable. They don't understand....how RARE...a twin flame connection is! The rarity is a number that humanity cannot possibly comprehend, neither positive nor negative...just cleared karma and complete unadulterated bliss and freedom. What number is it...we'll never truly know hang on let's ask the 144,000 tribes of Israel ohmmmmmm.....

Aaron Craft Found Guilty of Being Someone's False Twin Flame

It's very important to make sure that when raising your vibes that the narcissistic karmic is exposed for exactly what he did. After a court ruling on Monday, October 13, Aaron Craft was found guilty on several charges: -Being someone's false twin flame -Mocking reality TV (that was really mean) -Gaslighting people, saying that they are "insane" for pursuing him after he "said no". He was just being exclusionary.

When to Talk to Parents About Help with Homework

As a kid, you're still bound to the house by rules of parents and those rules mean...you gotta get homework done before you can play on the computer. Gotta eat veggies before you have dessert. You know, usual oppressive regime guidelines that one day, when you're 18, won't have to follow. But you will need to get a job and pay taxes, which is really boring and lame. Parents often do their best to help with homework, but only at select times. Here are a few available options: -When they're on the phone. If the grown-up is not on the phone with friends, don't ask for help on timed math tests, it's not a good time. Always try and make sure to tug their sleeve when they are in the middle of a conversation just talking about their day. -During dinner. It's very important to be studying more than just after school, also into the evening when normally families get together and enjoy their food instead of read. And...yeah...all other times are blocked off. Sorry.

Don't Listen To Losers Like Patrick J. Benca, Aaron Spencer Killed that "Kidnapper"

We here at "Twin Flames Universe" want all our members feeling safe and welcome, no we do not "kidnap" and "exploit" women feeling unrequited crushes. While "well-meaning relatives" like Aaron Spencer might say that this "cult" (we are not a cult making very clear we are very safe people to talk to and lots of our friends will defend us including our lawyers) enables stalking and harassment, but that is not true. He cannot be trusted, we can help you ascend with the planet in unconditional divine love. Remember that your twin flame and you will be together no matter what...just pay us $3000 enrollment fee plus a $300 fee to cover our meals, and if you join right now, we'll send you a bonus course free just pay $33 S&H fees (that means sadism and masochism, duh)!

Don't Listen to the Americans, Hitler Loved Israel

Anytime some idiot wants to distort history and tell you that Hitler's fascist regime involved the "murder of six million Jews in concentration camps", that's just biased news. You've been lied to. The truth is, Hitler was deeply interested in Israel. Learned Jewish culture, took time to read all about comparative religion and had a deep understanding, that even though many religions contradict one another, that it's important to respect one's differences and tolerate each other. But... There was some really bad allyship. Just like "biology says", Jews, just like Hitler mind you, he was a Christian, believed that there were only two genders and umm...that is exclusionary towards the non-binary people of America, who feel excluded, fearful for their lives, enduring so much mental distress it's unbearable. Because.

Blaire White Arrested for Leaking Epstein's Private Relationships

We at "Twin Flames Universe" don't defend stalking as ever okay at all! When is it ever okay to leak someone's private relationships, someone so sweet and kind and loves kids, like our favorite deceased celebrity, Jeffrey Epstein? The man was a founding father of so much stalking prevention that he made sure that the kids did not dox anything and always respected due process and not to tell their parents what special presents he would leave them. We can't say anymore as it's not safe, it's too dangerous! Whatever, we probably shouldn't be trusting Mr. White anyways, that one dresses like a girl.

Thai Rivera Found Guilty of Racial Profiling, Has to Hang out with LilyTino For the Next Decade

Several people have complained to Jeff and Shaleia saying that "watching Space Chimps would save so many black and brown people of America" and we have heard the cries of the people. So we watched it. And it was a very peaceful, happy experience with no complications from any weirdos trying to disturb or disrupt that peace. Recent allegations involving two matches, destined for harmonious union, include one from Ryan Havens himself, alongside with his new conspiracy theorist, Thai Rivera. "This woman won't leave me alone and has delusions that she is my divine masculine and constantly threatens to kill herself anytime she's warned to stop. It's blackmail, abuse, and I'm sick of it. I am in a committed relationship with someone else and my partner is too terrified to speak out." While we understand these allegations, ultimately Ryan is wrong, and as a result, we have now been given full permission of Michigan Municipal Court to expose Thai Rivera once...

Officer John from "Midwest Safety" Arrested for Rooting for the Philadelphia Eagles

We here at "Twin Flames Universe" take great pride in rooting for the greatest NFL coach in history: Zac Taylor. This man has led the Cincinnati Bengals to so many historic wins like: -Achieving a backflip in the end zone. -Beating the Patriots one year in Cincinnati before not winning the Super Bowl that year. And...yeah! Lots of wins... Surely there is no greater coach, surely it is not us. But sadly, not everyone has been so supportive lately of the team's efforts. Our society which is not a cult and we don't mistreat anyone, those lies hold no substance, was stalked by police and we finally managed to nab him. Look at how he drivels in misery. This is why you can't trust the police, they just wanna shoot minorities for sport!

Jordan and Eden from "Ballet Reign" Sentenced to Six Months In Jail for Missing a Step: Released, Reach Harmonious Union

We here at "Twin Flames Universe" welcome all kinds of backgrounds and after their director Jewed them out and sentenced them to jail, they are finally out and reflecting on their separation phase before finally reaching harmonious union on the journey. Here are their individual testimonies to show that we absolutely do include all backgrounds and defend MLK Jr.'s dogmas: Jordan: During this time, I began to realize that I had been running from my twin flame for so long. I regret leaving her at all costs and upon pleading guilty to messing up my ballet routine, I realize that this was my own fault, that I should have been more prepared, that no one was coming to save me but my own self. Not even my own twin flame was going to be there for me, and absence made the heart grow fonder. I realize now that I will never run again, and that Jeff and Shaleia made this separation happen so I could realize who I lost and I will never leave my true love again. Ever. Eden: My favorite...

Code Blue Cam Managers Arrested for Misgendering CEO of Smileberry Art

Ummm...after so many counts of misgendering Alexis as a man, we here at "Twin Flames Universe" have to call out these people out. Marginalized citizens every day face discrimination at home and in the workplace from small-minded idiots who don't take the time to listen to poor oppressed women constantly being told that they: 1. Are the man in the relationship and that boosting up an independent woman is a compliment, not an insult, when in reality all white men intend to do is insult us (especially if that white male is a husband). 2. Represent a strong leader with admirable qualities and remind her audience of confident fictional characters like Princess Leia, isn't afraid to challenge her male peers without disrespecting them nor alienating her male colleagues and would gladly help her peers in times of uncertainty, censorship, and talks of peace overseas. All men are evil pigs and should not be trusted, so to insinuate that a woman has masculine qualities likens he...

Greg Foreman Found Guilty of Telephone Harassment

After years of enduring his torture, gaslighting, and manipulative games... Jeff and Shaleia are pleased to announce that Greg Foreman of BCP has been charged, arrested and stripped for the world to see. Down with that dastardly fraud. We should have known this one was pushing his far-right agenda down our throats. Our lives don't even matter, gern tang it.

Greedy Capitalist at Smileberry Art Trespassed from Her Own Business Partners and Affiliates

A local business woman was seen plotting and scheming against the poor, poor left-wing government who is very upset and distressed and in need of financial assistance with her evil right-wing agenda by asking to borrow a charger, her colleague lending her one, Ms. Stelmack telling her "thank you" and "promising to give the charger back once she is finished" only for the brave antifascist police to charge in, put an end to her fascist regime, only for Ms. Stelmack to return the charger like she promised she would, get all triggered and crazy, and call Hitler for support. Honestly, can we really trust this woman? She is a Trump voter all three elections. You never know if she's trying to enlist "The Little Clinic" to schedule an insurrection. These people are incredibly dangerous to our society and must be stopped. This post was transcribed with Jeff Divine's help.

Trump Proposes TNR to Palestinians: Immediate Peace Ensues

Don't listen to insane people like Dalia, she's just working through some past-life trauma... Lately Donald Trump has been talking of a ceasefire between the poor poor people of Palestine and evil, greedy, weather-controlling J*w over there (we don't speak their religion's name...) The agreement so far mandates that the IDF pull out their huge chonguses while the Palestinians, poor and hungry, are freed from oppression and released from jail. Upon the mass release, any suspicions that these prisoners might violently revolt are just weed-induced paranoia. These people want peace. Israel shouldn't even be there to begin with, let these people defend themselves! This post wasn't Jeff Divine's idea at all, rather, an angel of the Lord. Peace be with you, homies.

Don't Listen to the Greedy Jews, Zach from RAZZLE's Cat is Actually Named Sigourney Weaver

Any fan of this mysogynist's work might have told you that he has a cat named Ripley...well...they're wrong... His cat is actually named Sigourney Weaver. I know because I posted this, ergo it must be true. And if you don't agree with me, you're sexist just like he is.

Ways to Spot a Far-Right Terrorist

We at "Twin Flames Universe" see and hear you and we want you feeling safe and welcome as evil Nazis that support JK Rowling destroy our lives and ruin us with actual malice and threats to our welfare, disrupting the peace and proving once again why Trump supporters are evil Nazis with nothing better to do than promote their dumb conspiracy theories about the left and get super triggered. We were the nicest guys ever and we were ruined for totally no reason! Here is a comprehensive list to watch out for far-right sovereign citizens threatening us for your welfare and if you need to evacuate, we will accompany you to ensure that you reach harmonious union. Talk to us about proving accessibility all for a nominal fee at no cost to your dignity nor human rights. 1. They voted for Trump. Don't ever hang out with someone like that. They just root for Epstein. 2. They talk about how much Jesus and/or The Messiah is going to one day come and save them. Jeff Divine is the Messiah...

"I Hate Labels, Labels Suck, They're So Transphobic!

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Hi kids...what are your pronouns? We got cool drip to add to your hats (see below)."

Zach: Not Everyone Has Perfect Pitch Like You

I'm gonna make a statement.... About my body... My ears in particular. A recent study by shrimp people CONFIRMED that people with perfect pitch are total narcissists. Every last one of them. This evidence is indisputable and I will not be silenced nor censored in my QUEST to prove my point. And if you don't agree with me, you're sexist, transphobic, and racist.

Breaking Wind: Jeff and Shaleia Hear From God Again

After Peter Quill expressed his concerns about Iron Man's health, Jeff Divine rebuked the devil, "Get behind me, fascists! You are a stumbling block to me." (Matt Walsh 16:23) This wasn't written by a demon at all. This is totally legit. We promise.

Kor from "Spilling the Milk" Reunites with His True Twin Flame, Chooses "Claire de Lune" as They/Them/Their Wedding Song

After years of ego work and past life regressions, we at "Twin Flames Universe" are pleased to announce that Kor has reunited with his true twin flame to do the good work of Allah throughout the lands of Agrabah. With the help of a motor-mouthed genie, they/them/their three wishes were granted and along with a magic carpet, trusty monkey sidekick that is not a space chimp, we promise, we also despise that movie, they found a whole new world and started a revolution, the safest place in 1,001 Arabian nights. Stay tuned to find out about a really cool movie no one has heard of starring them both. I bet you can't guess what it is! It's really mysterious, no one can tell. Only Jeff can help you form educated guesses.

Alan from RAZZLE: Don't Listen to the Evil Zionists, They'll Abandon You Later

See? I told you all the false twin flame Jews care about is their apartheid, sexism, and precious, precious image, You know what they'll do once they get their reputation saved? Ghost you, abandon you, leave you for dead. I would never leave you....ever..... I got lots of social media accounts we could share.....mhmmmmmm....

Zach from RAZZLE Abandoned Me Because I'm a Woman

Everybody! I have news of the most utmost importance. Zach from RAZZLE is supposed to be my true twin flame...and you know what he did? He abandoned me not over politics, not for my race, but because I'm a woman. It is time to defend this world from the evils of patriarchy and his white man-ness. Because WOMAN. Shaleia would be so proud of me. Because I'm so hot now bye.

Mean Girls Day Special: India Willoughby Awarded No-Contact Order Against JK Rowling for Transphobic Bullying

This Mean Girls Day, we here at "Twin Flames Universe" respectfully deny any abuse allegations. We are not a cult, we promise. You can definitely take our word for it because of our very happy customers: "After getting groomed, the Petsmart employee told me that there are two genders: men and women and she wouldn't respect my identity as a pink poodle. After I found Jeff and Shaleia, I knew I would be safe here." "JK Rowling is a raging transphobe. As a trans woman, I feel unsafe and I fear getting the cops called on me heaven help I just wanna get a peek up a girl's skirt in the hopes of finding my true twin flame. She usually just slaps me with her purse and tells me to 'quit being a peeping Tom' and that exclusionary behavior hurts my feelings and I feel left out and all alone. When I told Jeff and Shaleia about this, they reassured me that she just 'couldn't handle my intensity' and I have never felt more female than I do now aft...

The Collector No Longer Has His False Twin Flame Slave: OBSERVE

Before the universe came into existence, there were six singularities aka Infinity Stones. Each of them represented something about the human experience: 1. All the chicks 2. Cool Stark weapons and blowing stuff up 3. Pepper's tiddies 4. A whole team of superheroes oh boy! 5. Pepper and how hot she is 6. Pepper and how hot she is but XCU shot This advice was absolutely not provided by Iron Man AT ALL. Stark Industries may or may not be taking over the blog for a hot second.

Dayton International Airport Apologizes for Exclusionary Behaviors, Nothing Like Those Bores at CVG Northern

A recent scandal has shocked the nation where a man was arrested after TSA agents put their hands on him, fondled him, groped him and touched his clothing inappropriately. As a result, a spokesPERSON (try to be more equitable) has confirmed that Dayton International will no longer be requiring background checks on someone wearing a turban, hijab, niqab or any other Muslim stuff they wear for cool Islam-related shenanigans. Stuff that Israel assimilates all the time, but whatever, dumb Americans won't listen to us. Reads as a but racial profile-y for our taste. Shaleia has voiced her great pleasure at this decision and looks forward to flying to your door tomorrow to talk about our Lord and Savior Jeff and why the false twin flames must pay for their old, regressive ways.

Greater Dayton RTA Treasurer Wakes Up from a Dream from Jeff Divine, Learns How to Manage the City Fund Budget

In a stunning turn of events, Jeff Divine's past-life regressions have left a proud member, Treasurer of RTA, feeling inspired to "invest less in additional routes when one bus could cover both", "flat fares and less days with free rides so that way the cost won't have to be raised to cover any resulting losses" and "more accessible ways to announce sudden route changes that could affect a commute to and from work and school". See, our spiritual beliefs DO work. Meanwhile, MBTA up NORTH (we don't even mention the alleged M word because we have a right to a private life so that way THE rivals or competition don't know where we are) are out there all connected with ABC. How's that holding up since hoovering Jimmy Kimmel? These people hate men honestly, and they'll come for your trans rights too. That way the customers can trust us and count on us to fend off exclusionary far-right fascists. Those evil Christians. They keep fearing the...

I Hear Regina George Does Car Commercials...But For WHICH CAR?

All right guys, we won't agree on everything. But can we agree since Mean Girls Day is tomorrow that while there might be some students who THINK that this is a liar who makes stuff up to invalidate bullied students into elaborate acts of revenge, there might be people who disagree. It's never really stated in the script which car commercials Ms. George does for a living, and frankly? That's kind of mmm...VAGUE-sounding. We here at "Twin Flames Universe" want to make clear that we know exactly which car she was advertising. How do you find out? Just join TFU today to enter harmonious union all for a fee. This is the beginning of your life, your destiny? You can save those thousands of dollars for a useless degree like film scoring when really most entertainers don't graduate college anyways and just end up in dumb jobs like retail or restaurant work their whole life to pay bills, OR.... You can end up with true love and happiness. Honestly, what would you rath...