Sources from Hell Confirm that Satan is Lonely and Looking for a New Friend in Andrew Tate

It looks like God has been able to generate a ton of interest lately in the Bible and really weird perverse stuff like boosting up one really really popular Jew...probably nepotism. God's just mad because his son broke the law. I would have just obeyed the police at the time, he wouldn't have been crucified!

Anyways, Satan and Judas have been fighting a lot and they can't seem to agree as to why they are in hell in the first place. So they're looking for new moderators, and who better for the job than Andrew Tate?

Well...there is one slight problem. Tate is still living, so hellspawn demons are looking for some qualified hitmen to welcome him home. Top candidates include:

-Must shout "Free Palestine" and hate white men.

-Must be really into murder. Self-defense applicants fending Tate off or avenging women will not be considered.

-Must really not like God a whole lot, believe correctly that all Christians are fascists, someone's "false twin flame", or both. This is correct and if you disagree, you're transphobic.

-Other violent crimes like human trafficking and drug trafficking make for a stronger application.

-People who say things like "I hear what he did was wrong, at the same time, maybe there is a more peaceful solution to holding him accountable for his crimes before jumping straight to death," are just cissies. They talk about peace and no more war, annoying hippies with no brains. Don't ever consider someone like that as an applicant. Wah-wah..."blessed are the peacemakers" is heaven talk for special goody-two-shoes people.