Axis Line Media 6

After a tiring two-year-long investigation, police have identified and apprehended a local suspect, Buddy. Buddy has four legs, floppy ears and has been spotted destroying private property including Kong toys, peanut butter jars and toilet paper rolls. Buddy has been released from the crate, has demonstrated good behavior and is now off probation.

This Wednesday marks the start of Hannukah this year and to celebrate the festivities we wanted to commemorate with a donut-eating contest. Here is the winning recipe from a local Rabbi, James Kravitz INGREDIENTS -One Palestinian kid -Oil -Butter -Sugar -Flour -Depending upon whether or not you make chocolate or vanilla frosting is whether or not you choose a black or white Muslim parent STEP-BY-STEP INSTRUCTIONS To represent the oil that burned for eight days, add one Palestinian kid to the deep fryer. They tend to cook better at medium-high. Combine dry ingredients so that it makes a nice dough, ideally use a black person to make the icing just to show how racist you really are and how much you oppressed those poor people. #HamasFTW #QueersforPalestine #studyabroad #wakeup

Many of you don't know this: I've done a lot of evil things in my life and I've been really hesitant to put out this personal information out there. I just gotta say it... I'm a registered Republican. I've been experimenting a little and I think I haven't been a white supremacist enough. So as I come out of my shell and explore who I am, I was thinking maybe I would give the KKK a shoutout. It is their absolute right to make sure that no black person has a say on their rights whatsoever. Protect the white kids...or else! I've met some people and established a community where I can figure myself out, and initially we were going to start vanilla but we really wanted to explore pleasure from pain. So we bought some guns, and a lot of them! We now have a collection of AK-15 rifles, collector items from the Smithsonian in Washington DC, and Trump's mugshot painted on our wall. We worship him as our God in this sacred space and we ask anyone outside the relati...

Since my divorce from the notoriously evil Z in RAZZLE, I have become a spokesperson for women everywhere facing domestic violence. Trans women not included, only biological women. Sigh...when we were married, Zach wouldn't watch "Space Chimps" with me after five hundred requests to just stick to the script, ignore those annoying Mary Kay people who want to "expand their business" and "market products". After seeing that annoying display, I have confirmed with very legitimate documents that I have authority to speak on the matter, namely fake green cards, claims those people were banned from WDW and have been to Disney jail and a restraining order against Johnny Depp himself. After the settlement was discussed, I didn't get a common law arrangement like we signed and agreed to the other night. So far he has been way too harsh on my work, saying my piano playing "sucks" and that "I can't even function around his famous celebrity f...

It's that time of year, the holidays! Halloween (season of the devil and The Gay TM ), Thanksgiving (season of Beyonce), and Christmas (season of Hallmark movies). If you are feeling lonely and longing for your true twin flame, here's how to tell that the married veteran preying on geishas and their bathrooms was just playing with your heart, and how to tell that he doesn't deserve his "real American wife": 1. It's not Stockholm syndrome, what that false twin flame did to you is awful. He is the real twin flame and he will help you no matter what. It's not a cult leader blackmailing him with threats of suicide and homicide, he really does love you absolutely do violate court orders and C&D letters telling you police will be called if you don't stop talking to him. 2. If someone has filed multiple times, they are just doing drugs girl and have no reason to fear you. Come talk to me and I will make sure her libel disappears. I can help you there. Yo...

Upon Donald Trump's election victory and celebration at the White House, we sent out a field reporter, Pearl Hawkins, to conduct a brief interview with Elon Musk after he sobered up. Hawkins refers to themself as nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns. Hawkins: How has the progress against data scrapers been since your break up with Amber Heard? Musk: So far, we have been able to limit leftist creator rights by denying access to fans who might be uncomfortable having a twitter account due to the rise in cyberbullying against conservatives. Why'd you bring up my ex? Hawkins: Nothing, I just thought that you dating her kind of made yourself look bad and only hurt your own career. Continue. Musk: Since limiting left-wing media access to vulnerable youth, I have been able to fend off data scrapers and it has been successful. Hawkins: Okay but she divorced Depp, who is also against woke women and you settled for her. Musk: I...okay. Can we maybe divert to the original question about ...

A major update has reached us that may shock or disturb child audiences. Nasal discretion is advised. Upon Ms. Sweethart's release from San Fransico County jail, the Nigerian prince has been identified as Fla Tu Lence. We apologize for any inconvenience regarding the matter and remain disgusted and appalled at the stench this left on the business owner's career. We hope that by chronicling every detail of her personal life despite numerous requests to stop and leaving the initial article up that we can show the journey of a once-suffering capitalist who has learned the err of her ways.

Recently Ryan Gosling's true love has finally reached twin flame reunion stage after spending five years in federal jail for criminal harassment. Eva Mendes has since apologized for defending her family and saying that del Villar's behavior was "delusional" and "cult-like" and has agreed to break up with Gosling for good. The two were later married in Portugal and had a honeymoon ceremony in Iran. Among the large party of guests in attendance like Tom Cruise and Lady Gaga was none other than 007 himself, a notorious womanizer who bailed del Villar out upon finding out about suspicious FBI reports from Gosling's fans. He praised her for her continued LGBT advocacy in film and her continued efforts to make sure that Johnny Depp was NOT invited to the wedding. When asked about her views on feminism, del Villar stated that "it's okay if a woman brazenly shows her breasts on television for the world to see, that's just female expression and it...

This past summer some Jewish children were misbehaving by participating in Western World sports like soccer, commonly known in Europe as "football". Whether or not the audience is idiotic or cultured is beside the point. These kids learned the hard way and paid the price for doing anything remotely free-speech oriented like sports and they should have known better. Joe Biden released a statement upon withdrawing from the election condemning the children's actions as "atrocious" and "acting up constantly". When further pressed for comment he immediately went to the family bathroom upon seeing a five-year-old to "investigate a private matter". We later interviewed former vice president and failed presidential candidate Kamala Harris and she said that the children were sexist and racist and that she didn't reveal Biden's true leanings initially due to concerns over whether or not the children were fit to be around other normal, functioni...

A local San Francisco business owner is under fire by a resident of Nigeria for telling him that he was a "no good scammer" and to stop calling her. We asked local media for any answers as to the identity of the mysterious prince. The owner of a local supermarket, Caroline Sweethart, declined to share further details, citing his suspicious behavior. We understand sometimes Californians struggle with paranoia, possibly due to recreational marijuana use and inquired after her health. She slammed the phone down and told us to get out or she would call the police. Sounds like someone facing possible harassment charges for being so racist towards someone so hardworking like a prince would say... Ms. Sweethart has been in the business for over 50 years. The store is family owned and has been passed down for the past six generations. Military discounts are honored and Nike products have since been discontinued. She also identifies as bi and is a certified woman-hater, saying cruel t...