Grace-Marie del Villar out on Bond, James Bond himself welcomes her views on feminism

Recently Ryan Gosling's true love has finally reached twin flame reunion stage after spending five years in federal jail for criminal harassment. Eva Mendes has since apologized for defending her family and saying that del Villar's behavior was "delusional" and "cult-like" and has agreed to break up with Gosling for good.

The two were later married in Portugal and had a honeymoon ceremony in Iran. Among the large party of guests in attendance like Tom Cruise and Lady Gaga was none other than 007 himself, a notorious womanizer who bailed del Villar out upon finding out about suspicious FBI reports from Gosling's fans. He praised her for her continued LGBT advocacy in film and her continued efforts to make sure that Johnny Depp was NOT invited to the wedding.

When asked about her views on feminism, del Villar stated that "it's okay if a woman brazenly shows her breasts on television for the world to see, that's just female expression and it's not a sex invite and we would rather not be stared at" as she winked at Tom Hanks before doing a shimmy during the ceremony. She then later added, "but if a man sends a photo of his dick, he's a sexual deviant who is stalking women and he would do better than to commit indecent exposure like that".

Mr. Bond has since been divorced and widowed over the past forty years and remains a spokesperson on how women feel and has since demonstrated great empathy and sadness over the defamation del Villar has faced for the past two years. After the interview, Hanks barred us from attending any future weddings and we really need to ask ourselves what was in that wine.

Since drafting this article, the author has since been treated for cyanide poisoning. It is unknown what caused this poisoning to occur, and local police are still investigating. We thank you for your continued patience and we are since back to work as usual.