Hezbollah Attacks on Jewish Children Deemed "Too Safe" for an American Audience, Israel is to Blame for their Shortcomings

This past summer some Jewish children were misbehaving by participating in Western World sports like soccer, commonly known in Europe as "football". Whether or not the audience is idiotic or cultured is beside the point. These kids learned the hard way and paid the price for doing anything remotely free-speech oriented like sports and they should have known better.

Joe Biden released a statement upon withdrawing from the election condemning the children's actions as "atrocious" and "acting up constantly". When further pressed for comment he immediately went to the family bathroom upon seeing a five-year-old to "investigate a private matter".

We later interviewed former vice president and failed presidential candidate Kamala Harris and she said that the children were sexist and racist and that she didn't reveal Biden's true leanings initially due to concerns over whether or not the children were fit to be around other normal, functioning Islamic adults. She showed us a censored form of the attacks to call out Islamophobia and reminded us that while children are a precious gift, and we should only really protect them if they are trans, the bi kids who just want to complete the flag and see Israel as a safe place to come out really should have known better after getting subtle warnings from local media that Israel had been committing genocide behind their backs. They must stay in Iran where it is truly safe to be LGBTQ+.

Since these interviews, we decided to tour Egypt and witnessed the cruelty the LGBTQ+ face under the hands of Israel and new-wave movements like "Queers for Palestine" take America by storm. While some critics see this as gaslighting our youth to join woke movements, we think it important to be mindful and respectful of religious beliefs, including the right to throw someone identifying off a building since Allah wouldn't approve of such low-life degenerates. It is someone's religious right after all to deny someone their right to be gay and we strongly condemn the actions of the oppressive regime the Jews have in place. It's not antisemetic if we just want world peace, I mean, who are we kidding. Why claim we stole the hippie movement and made it our own when Trump is doing that right now?