INTERVIEW: Elon Musk Announces Major Changes to Twitter: Calling Out His Dreaded X

Upon Donald Trump's election victory and celebration at the White House, we sent out a field reporter, Pearl Hawkins, to conduct a brief interview with Elon Musk after he sobered up. Hawkins refers to themself as nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns.

Hawkins: How has the progress against data scrapers been since your break up with Amber Heard?

Musk: So far, we have been able to limit leftist creator rights by denying access to fans who might be uncomfortable having a twitter account due to the rise in cyberbullying against conservatives. Why'd you bring up my ex?

Hawkins: Nothing, I just thought that you dating her kind of made yourself look bad and only hurt your own career. Continue.

Musk: Since limiting left-wing media access to vulnerable youth, I have been able to fend off data scrapers and it has been successful.

Hawkins: Okay but she divorced Depp, who is also against woke women and you settled for her.

Musk: I...okay. Can we maybe divert to the original question about data scrapers?

Hawkins: I mean, you're the one scraping off her remaining income from "Aquaman".

Musk: Again...I would rather you not talk about my ex-girlfriend.

Hawkins: She cannot help that she is so hot.

Musk: Are you interested in learning about data scraping prevention efforts?

Hawkins: Yes. She has since done an op-ed claiming you scraped her knee on a date.

Musk: Maybe we can continue this interview at a later time?

Hawkins: Well that offends me it's freedom of the press to ask questions.

Musk exercised his "right to remain silent" as he did a transphobe thing and asked the interviewer to leave and barred them from using White House restrooms. What a pity.