Iran and Palestine Apologize for All the Times They Didn't Do a Free Speech Today

At long long last...the very peaceful and prosperous very not violent as no ICE officers are supporting this right now laid down their guns, accepted ceasefire petitions from Israel, and issued formal apologies on X today.

The official account of Iran tweeted the following at noon EST:

"We realize now that our Jew hatred was rooted in conspiracy theories, treating women like property instead of autonomous free thinkers who can treat hijab as optional if they wish to show their hair in public, and we will happily join our brothers and sisters in declaring peace for all humanity. Owwwowowoowowow my ears hurt...that seventh trumpet was really loud and unpleasant! Holy crap, that dragon is REAL! Well, at least we're a huge fan of peace...and quiet! Anyways, we're sorry we blew up your synagogues. We'll never do it again WHY DOES THIS YOUNG BOY HAVE SO MANY EYES BRO I THOUGHT THE SHINING WAS A SCARY MOVIE SINCE WE NOW ALLOW WESTERN MEDIA AAAAAH!"

The official Palestinian account followed suit:

"After hearing the concerns of our Jewish neighbors, we now recognize our own territory as terroristic and agree to just let the Muslim Zionists come hang out in Israel instead. We're too smart to crave material things trying to see how successful we can be at suing the ADL. Humility is very important. Human rights are totally okay. No more need for power and control, that's for losers. Also, did you see the sea? It looks really red and there's this young kid saying he's the second angel and he's got all these eyes! It's been years since I took ecstasy and my wife, now allowed to wear a T-shirt and jeans also confirmed that it's been really noisy here!"

We're not sure why, but at least there's going to be some really cool peace. Someone finally took the wheel and said on the PA which appeared to be from the sky downward, "I already came here to show you what love is like. Now you gotta wait a bit longer to have that peace. I will get this world peace handled, the prophesied way because you guys cannot do your jobs!"