Transcript: New "Twin Flames Universe" Member Ceremony

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We were granted one short day, er, a tour, of the elegant home in Michigan housing so many spiritual gurus on their way to harmonious union. Here was the dialogue that went down.


Shaleia: Hi everybody! We'd like to welcome our newest member, Jan. Everybody say "Hi, Jan!"

Member 1: Whatever, when am I going to reunite with Doug?

Shaleia: Awesome guys...now today Jan is going to tell us about herself. Remember, your soul chose this journey when you incarnated on this planet as a conjoined twin and then the evil Zionist doctors separated you at birth and you were cursed to find each other. Tell us about your true twin flame and your survivor story from the "false twin flame".

Jan: Well...I consulted my tarot deck, and I realized...Donald Trump is my false twin flame. Back when he was with BLM and Hamas -

Shaleia: Ahem, you mean, Israel, right? Those are the narcissists who prey on Palestinian kids. We don't need to make this intro political. Try again, but with a little bit less WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR attitude. Jeff doesn't appreciate that, it makes him nervous.

Jan: Okay. Back when Trump supported genocide and everyone was inclusive like me, the cards told me he was my false twin flame...?

Shaleia: Much better. Just try not to support the ADL so much, they just sit around and yap about Hashem all day. They don't challenge the status quo like we do. You are safe and respected here and we won't tolerate any narcissism who consistently abandoned you when you needed him.

Jan: Ah...

Shaleia: Are there any questions before Jeff and I get back to eating dinner in our private suites?

Member 1: No...I just want to be with Doug and he's with a karmic and he still won't come back to me.

Shaleia: He will overcome his racism. Just give him a minute.


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