From "Twin Flames Universe's" Health and Safety Department: Keto

We consulted Willow LaSesh, Sabriye Dubrie as well as Jeff and Shaleia of the equitable society, "Twin Flames Universe" and gathered their opinions after getting a recent inspection from their health department. The spokesperson, Lauren Coulson, published a statement in NBC and we'd like to make sure that she is properly credited for her work. We copied and pasted this too, you know.

"We take all reports of exploitation seriously. While we understand that there are complaints from members that they are doing unpaid labor and that Jeff asks for payments instead of paying the workers, we recognize that this might be indicative of communist sympathies. All of the people who complained to us had some sort of paranoid problem. They wanted to try keto as an accompanying therapy while doing something really harmful and sickening like 'working on their heartache in therapy' when these people know darn well that twin flames are real and this union really is going to happen, the runner just needs time!

"These people claim that they're 'challenging a fraud' and that they're 'so progressive' when really they're just bigots who don't know better and we take offense to such allegations that the members in these fair and well-meaning societies are being abused. That hurts our feelings!

"Keto hurts so many and we know this because the comments section said so. So there!"