How to Get Offended Again

Hey America,

Lately there's been a lot of "harmless" people lately minding their business and doing gross stuff like homework and paying taxes. But if you're looking to overthrow those capitalistic ways, look no further than this handy guide.

Step 1: Find a passerby who looks ugly to you. Then say you're offended by the way they look and when they get mad at you, call the cops and report their aggressive behavior and call them out for not finding your edge all that funny.

Step 2: Tell jokes with other comedians to feel better about yourself and your own inability to do stand-up all by yourself. Then call people out for not immediately having the same taste as you.

Step 3: Get mad at constructive criticism. You are smart and funny.