Babylon Bee Writers to be Replaced with Google Employees to Ensure Inclusion, Justice and Equity

Lately a team of bigoted Christians assembled together and bullied the innocent and have been pushing their far-right agenda. It's time we put an end to this once and for all. Here is our manifesto that isn't communist, assuming so is racist, how dare you.

1. "Dox" them to the police. This will ensure police find the correct address when apprehending them for enforcing their faith in Jesus Christ. There's going to be people in this world who don't agree, they should be more inclusive. Please participate if you identify as a dragonfruit, these are the most qualified candidates for the job. It's really not doxxing, idiot Americans just call it that to avoid accountability because they think they're God.

2. Tariff them heavily to pay for the poor man's pain. Again, it's NOT communism. These people claim that Jesus called out greed, could they do their part and not be such greedy capitalists? The hypocrisy, honestly!

3. Tell them more about Vladimir Putin's right to have Ukraine as his own and why we should have money since Ukraine didn't get any. And don't find that Mr. Trololol video funny, it only drags you down the algorithm train.