The NEW Ten Commandments

Since the hatching of "Axis Line Media 6", it has come to our attention that Palestinians and various grade-school students across the globe have been indoctrinated with Jewish Torah law. In response to the serious threat that Jews pose to the world, we would like to make clear that we have zero tolerance for discrimination and hatred of innocent children trying to do their jobs. We decided to make the ten commandments more inclusive so that everybody will get along and feel accepted.

1. Do not question your God. This is your Union and your space. He secretly wants you.

2. Do not idolize symphonic music. This music is the ways of the devil. Music needs to be quieter in a department store, and the soundtrack to "Exodus" is not allowed.

3. Thou shalt not take the director or producer's name in vain. If someone wants to be referred to as nonbinary or they/them pronouns, these people should have complete control over what you call them as it is their right.

4. Remember the Sabbath Day is just Zionist propaganda, this is a place for all beliefs. If you want to worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster or identify as a cat, stop being an entitled bigot.

5. Honor the mommy and daddy of the community, only they can give you permission to leave the relationship. It's not "chickens for KFC", Muslims really do care about your LGBT rights. You need to honor them as you do yourself.

6. Thou shalt not exercise self-defense. Guns should be banned, it will limit criminals' access to weapons because these people have complete regard for the law and won't find loopholes to break it again. If a stalker shows up at your house and you pepper spray them, you're just a far-right extremist. Leave school at once.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery if you are male. If you are female, you may skip this commandment. Congratulations on empowering yourself as you embrace the pro-hoe life.

8. Thou shalt not steal one's career back and moderate nor ban someone. If your "abuser" doesn't feel safe nor welcome, they should have authority to speak on the matter, not you.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor even if that neighbor has to stay 50 feet away from you. He's just upset over January 6, he didn't threaten to assault anyone, he's harmless.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. She made it up and secretly liked having him around the complex. He didn't charge at you, don't arrest him.

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