Ope-Ed: Coming Out as a Fire Hazard

This day...I've been hiding a terrible secret concealing a past, enduring such horrible and treacherous abuse.

I have been figuring out healthy self-expression on how I live my life and I've finally figured out an act that is safe, respectable, and gives me the rights I deserve.

Today, I'm coming out as a fire hazard. My pronouns are hy/drant and I challenge the patriarchy by deliberately blocking the doorway to the library, and when a patron gets mad and tells me, "What's your problem, b*tch?" oppressing me with the Code of Conduct and saying I "could get people k*lled if there were a fire, gun or hostage situation," among other non-emergencies since no threat was made, I start crying and calling the police and report sexual harassment. That word really hurt my feelings and I feel much safer when comedians, comediennes, and joke-spouting persons of non-binary identities and feelings don't use that mean, horrible word around me, they're such bullies who want to play the victim and allege "censorship". But it's just so objectifying to use that word around me.

My plan is to control a man's urges, tell him how he can and cannot talk, and then finally I would have obliterated any cancel culture in my path? Men don't have the right to use me and be done with me anymore, they're not allowed to "have a type". They know that they weren't "turning me down", just like what Jeff and Shaleia have to say, they "secretly like my pursuit" and I enjoy the sexual liberation of being a girlboss. A man needs me, I don't need him!