INTERVIEW: MY SIDE OF THE STORY

Recently Disney announced that a new CEO would be taking over the company in response to some backlash under Bob Iger's leadership. As a result, we brought along Gaston himself after multiple requests to be featured on the site. Attached is the verbatim at the interview conducted by Mal. E. Ficent. No word as to why teenagers were not allowed to comment at this time.

Mal: So recently Disney has hired a new CEO. What would you advise him to do since the last owner of the company failed women and LGBT in the workplace? Frequent complaints from park guests include letting a park guest's spouse die of an allergic reaction, exploitation and big animator paychecks going into the pockets of greedy producers.

Gaston: Well, in order to make this place inclusive, I thought Belle should be my wife. We get married, I take her last name even if she has me in the friendzone and sees me as rude and conceited.

Mal: Well, we might be having an issue understanding the questions at hand. We'd like to know how you would improve the work environment since the last failed so many cast members and rendered them homeless?

Gaston: Yeah, yeah, or whatever. These people should probably just kill themselves. They wouldn't let me have Belle as my wife. It's her fault I didn't generate interest.

Mal: Anyways, back to the conversations of offering equitable solutions when half the group is upset and making Disney more accessible towards disabled audiences -

Gaston: Have you seen my trophies? I even got a deer arrested for stopping in front of a car.

Mal: Please don't interrupt. Many LGBT cast members report discrimination because nails are required to be presented a certain way. What are your thoughts?

Gaston: Well I thought the animator drawing a fallic shape on the "Little Mermaid" VHS cover was a bit offensive. How can we get more trophies?

Mal: That animator was getting underpaid...

Gaston: Belle is my wife now everybody look how handsome I am! Her best friend clearly loves what I share on Twitter look at all my rizz.

Shortly after Gaston mentioned "rizz" a loud roar was heard in the background. We can only assume it was the Hulk or a scary beast. No further information as to the whereabouts of the guests. Viewer discretion is advised.