ADVICE FROM THE EDITOR ... Getting Bangs is Homophobic: Why We Should Have Watched "Space Chimps" Years Ago

This article was originally penned in December 2022. No word as to the whereabouts of the producer, likely kidnapping someone or showing up at people's place of work uninvited.

I promise I haven't used anyone's email to write this piece as it is very very difficult for me to come forward and express myself.

I gotta confess to a really awful crime: I got a pixie cut.

I realize that this act is inherently shameful and I should probably apologize for such a grievous deed such as choosing to remain a masculine woman. Know your place. Keep lying and no one will notice a thing off about you. Just watch "Space Chimps" and if someone calls you out on it or gets irritated with you, just play the victim and lie about your gender and use someone's email to mask your identity. No one will suspect adult film star desperate to be seen for talent and merit in the industry. Nobody will suspect you like the movie Mulan either, suppress the opposition and keep being accepting of all people per usual.